I would like to explain about the order of healing in which my son experienced a deliverence from the disease or disorder called autism, it did not happen over night but spanned over a few years.

Quite a few people emailed me about ABA, I must admit I have no idea what that is. I could however see I offended people by perhaps leading people to believe I forced him out of autism through a forceful eye contact and aggressive rebonding. In order to clear up any negative perceptions, I thought I should explain more fully...the series and stages in which his autism clearing occured.

We only started rebonding after he had four years of various alternative therapies and detoxes. His autism cleared-and he started coming in to the world and then he would turn back to a non-responsive autistic world...at that point, it was actually me that was putting him back into the autism because I could not handle a son that was not "special needs" and autistic any more-I was still in various degrees treating him like he was autistic.

...I would reject him when he was angry because anger was a new expression from him and I would get scared. My fear and repression caused him to distrust himself and his new found emotions-and cause lots of anxiety and resentment towards me----I literally thought my son was never angry, and when I saw the rage he was experiencing-I got scared and withdrew at a time when he needed me most.

I make a point in my book to talk about parents releasing their anger and aggression before holding their children, I believe that this is the reason why some people have not had success through holding and eye contact-I had to go through therapy for a year before my doctor would work with my son and I together...the same for my husband, though he went with him some time after me because of the importance of the Mother bond first...Autistic children are extremely sensitive and as my son came in to a world of touch and human emotion, I had to make sure that I wasn't a hindurance to his healing and development...so no, you cannot hold and rebond with your children if you are angry or guilty, or have expectations based on desperation and embarrasement...those emotions cause any child to withdraw and cause further damage-

I always go through the holding with my clients for the first few times and find that the parent is so filled with emotion and pain that they cannot continue to hold their child. The parent feels guilt and rejection and the child senses that and wants to have no part-furthermore, the autistic child is already aware of these emotions and wants no part and when this desperate parent holds them it can be more of a cruel prison hold rather than an I love you hold...

So, you are absolutely right, some people are not ready to hold their children and make eye contact. period with their children-autistic or not because of their own psychological distress. With that being said, with the parent who has had the physical element of the disease/disorder/problem taken care of-I believe this is a realm worthy of exploration.

What you are talking about is a Mother who put the disorder off on the child, the expectation and rejection she felt as a result of having an austic child-the child interprets those emotions and feels guilty and rejected themself-making a genetic/generational circle of handling human behavior.

These are not bizarre feelings, I would venture to say many women-and I include myself, felt this way..guilt, anger, etc...

Once we deal with these feelings, be conscious of them, and physical work them out ourself-

All, or excuse me, most of our healing attempts will be in vain and will only go so far...

I am glad so many of you wrote to me concerning my autism post, because you are helping me learn to communicate better and focus on getting to the heart of the problem-

Where- we as Mothers need to face what we don't want to face...

Which is not having an autistic child-but dealing with our own pain and sadness of not having the child we thought, and feeling rejected ourselves.