I read the PBS information on refrigerator moms that was sent to me. But, I have not yet seen the film. For those of you who don't know, there was a series about autism in the the early 20th century and how women were blamed for being cold Mothers-by society. It dealt with their guilt and sadness; the series leads you to believe autism is not connected in any way to the bonding with the Mother. I have to say, in my personal experience, and ten years of deep and profound research-I can say that the idea of refrigerator Mom holds some water and does exist. I have seen research-to the contrary, and again, have found it in my own life.

To what degree is the Mother influencing autism-at least emotionally-nobody can really know for sure, as everyone is different. But, why rule it out completely? We Mothers carry a heavy burden in bringing life into the world responsibly and guilt and shame is good for NO ONE.

However- in light of the bonding research through out the entire century. It would be prudent for us Mother's to leave no stone unturned- for the sake of our children and generations to come.

In regards to the medical societies view of autism, it seems as though-the medical establishment is always busy trying to put every disorder in a easy little "genetic disease" box.

..Reich proved back in the 50's about the psychosomatic nature of disease and Steiner also has said that incorrect incarnation, (by bringing a child into the intellectual realm too soon) can cause imbalances-it has long been proven that most diseases can be traced to an emotional layer before it hit the physical-why are people so reluctant to own up to their own inadequacies and be honest and move forward in healing themselves and their family? It goes back to those words-guilt and shame again...

If I would have accepted the genetic scenario that the doctors wanted me to believe about my autistic son-then my son would not be healed to this day. I remember a doctor sitting me down saying-this is genetic, it is not any ones fault, your son will never be able to do simple things for himself-I walked out of his office and took my son's healing into my own hands-and people fought me every step of the way...not wanting my son to get better, not wanting me to prove them or the medical establishment wrong.

The women back in the 50's were suffering from guilt, and shear ignorance regarding their bodies and their births-they didn't know what the heck was going on "down" there. When I hear women in their 60's talk about their births many of them talk about it like they were in a clinical twilight zone. In that respect, how could those women be held responsible...they grew up thinking Kool-Aid was a health drink and high-heeled shoes were slippers...

I am not talking about guilt here, though I think a woman getting "real" about her birth and taking responsibility for her birth may elicit such feeling for a time- but then the healing begins, and the light is there at the end of the tunnel- and the guilt becomes a part of the journey and a chrysalis for the butterfly...

The women in the 50's never had a chance to even get that far-the way women were viewed and repressed was already more than they could bare....My own Mother had her baby taken from her in the 60's shortly after birth because she was not married-

again suffering from tremendous guilt-for the rest of her life.

What I am talking here is as simple as being honest. period. For the sake of our children and future generations.

We are all fooling ourselves if we think-every birth we had was perfect, home birth or not...

The PBS website talked also about a shortage of long care facilities and homes for autistic adults-Saying that the show was meant to bring attention to the fact more autistic children are growing up and need somewhere to go to..That was really upsetting for me to read, that this is the accepted future for autism-facilities where the adult children are thrown away in...Institutionalized...like a medieval sanitarium.

I urge you-to look at the brightside, and that life does not need to be so small, impoverished,

broken, and depressing.

There are many facets of autism, we must understand, the Mother child relationship is a part of it and

I am sorry, but letting mothers off the hook for Motherhood is nothing more than mind candy for the Mothers who don't want to go deeper.

Mothers not being responsible for Motherhood is right up there with the high unnecessary c-section rates, "genetic" mastectomy without cancer, advocating drug use and anti-depressants while breastfeeding...The idea here, is that nobody wants to be held accountable for human life-not the Mothers, not the doctors, not the midwives, -this is the spot where genetics conveniently slips in-making all sides happy (well most sides) but not healed either.

I Am a so-called refrigerator Mom..I am not proud of it, and yes, I did breastfeed all of my children and had subsequent home births after my traumatic first hospital birth...

The answer for me came not through home birth and extended breastfeeding as I had thought,

but through me working through my own issues...how I rejected my son for being a boy (this came out in therapy),how I was afraid of men, and I was afraid to love and trust....anyone..including myself. His traumatic birth and subsequent treatment from me was the result of that fear I had been living on for many years.

I can now say though, since I have healed my relationship with my children and admitted to the fact

that I did contribute to my sons problem somewhat (I never ever said, 100%)- my life changed for me and my family,

and now I help women do the same-and I see and have witnessed miracles-no, I am not talking about seeing angels and spirits dancing around my house and calling my name.

-But true healing between a Mother and child-which is the most sacred and important thing on earth.

Children know when we are hiding, and they know we are hypocrites...in the end that is where we loose our children..

The other side is, at least for my own children, they are always ready to forgive and love a Mother who is not perfect.

A child can love a Mother who reaches out to them-not in arrogance-but in truth, honesty and even weakness at times-

Maybe I am the only refrigerator Mom in this world-

But at least I wake up every morning and try my hardest to consciously warm up and change everyday for the better-for me and my family!!!!

Truth in Healing, Aurore